Lost in Thought

Every person who attains the age of adulthood and some level of maturity has felt it.  Every man or woman who has a life's ambition has answered it.  Every Saint has risen to it.  Many have tried to avoid it.  Whether an individual recognizes it as God's will or not, every person has felt it, the pull towards his or her life's mission. 

Many years ago my Mother felt the call to work with learning disabled, Mexican children.  She thought this meant she was supposed to become a nun and move to Mexico.  Instead she married my Dad and had my brothers, my sisters, and me.

I had a friend in High School who thought his destiny was united with a woman.  He proposed to her and she informed him she had to leave him for a convent because that's where she felt God wanted her.  He became a priest. 

Moses of biblical fame thought he was supposed to be a prince of Egypt, never to rule or lead, always being the second born.  Instead he was called to lead his people from slavery and into the desert, and after his death, to the promised land.

I've never been quite sure of the details of what my calling is.  Sure, I've tried to figure it out, but the more I try the less sense I seem to make of it.  When I was three I decided I wanted to be a ballet teacher.  When I was four I dropped the "ballet" part.  When I was eight I decided on second grade.  When I was eleven I decided fifth grade was where I wanted to teach.  When I was thirteen I decided I wanted to teach High School.  When I was nineteen I decided I wanted to teach History.  When I was twenty-one I decided I liked small kids.  When I was twenty-two I decided I like tutoring home schoolers... and when I was twenty-three I decided that I didn't like teaching.

When I was five I decided I never wanted to leave California.  When I was ten I couldn't get away fast enough.  When I was eleven I decided on Texas.  When I was thirteen I decided on Ohio.  When I was fifteen I decided on Florida.  When I was seventeen I moved to Florida.  When I was twenty I moved to Texas.  When I was twenty-one I stayed in Texas. When I was twenty-two I decided on Virginia.

When I was three I decided that feminine beauty was being shorter than most people, having curly dark, auburn hair, being very curvy, and having clear dark skin.  Now that I am old, I agree with all those things but my idea of beauty is not limited to what people look like, but more importantly what is in their heads.  Nothing stays the same and yet nothing has changed. 

Maybe I'm just getting all preachy but the only thing that I have learned is that the more people make up there mind about something the more they change it.  Maybe the secret to happiness is not searching but being happy with what you have?  Maybe happiness is being who you are meant to be and letting God show you the way in His own time?  Maybe.