Little Miss Muffet

Yesterday I went to turn on the AC unit in the office.  

Sitting pretty on top of the unit was a not-so-small spider. I carefully picked him up (on a box) and carried him outside and gently shook the box furiously, taking care to ensure that he was no longer a passenger of the box.  A moment later I returned to the AC unit to turn it on and found the spider sitting precisely where I left him. 

I gave up and left the AC unit alone (after carefully avoiding the spider and turning on the , complaining loudly to Fr. Steve.  Father asked me what I expected the spider to do and I half screamed, "I expected him to do WHAT I TOLD HIM TO DO!" Father had the courtesy not to laugh... or at least not loudly.

Being a Good Example: Part Four- More than Meets the Eye

A long, long time ago in a galaxy not so far away a real snake of a guy raised his head from the ground, saw this lady out in the garden wearing nothing but a smile and said, "Hey baBEE!!! Eat this shiney, sweet fruit and you'll be brilliant!" And she was all like, "OKAY!" Five minutes later she had her husband doing the same thing because, "All the cool kids are doing it," and about five minutes after that there was an echo throughout Eden that vaguely resembled someone saying, "Oh sh*t!" Thus began the fall of man and the epiphany of clothing... and modesty. 

This is one of those posts that I really didn't want to write, but it all goes back to the being a good example issue, and it has been bothering me again.  And if the fact that it has taken me three years to write this post is any indication- it has been bothering me a lot. Fear not- I'm not going to spend three pages lecturing on why women should wear burkas or shapeless potato sacks.  

Let's talk about one of my favorite subjects- clothes. My fashion sense has never been terribly, well, fashionable. I am capable of dressing to impress when necessary but most of the time I just dress like... well, like me. I like embroidered jeans, shiney shirts, headscarves, and shawls that are three years out of style. I like big earrings and tall shoes and my hair is usually a whirlwind of activity. That being said I like to be comfortable in my clothes. Wearing clothing that barely covers what it is supposed is usually awkward and in constant need of adjusting. If something is too short you have to carefully stand up and pull it back into place. If something is too low you can never bend over. That's gotta be restricting. 

I know that everyone is different. Not everyone has to wear things that are no lower than four fingers from the collar bone. Due to my... curves... I kinda have to. I imagine that really tall girls can get away with showing more leg than I can as well. This might be because they are more graceful than I am, or that they just have more leg. I am infinitely aware that not everyone is me, but these are my rules for modesty. 

1.) I believe everything from three inches above cleavage to just above the knee should be covered for aesthetic as well as modest reasons (not that I don't believe I have a beautiful belly button- I just don't think anyone else should be pondering this fact). 

2.) I believe that fitted clothing is okay so long as it isn't so tight as to look like you were dipped in it.  

3.) I think that if it has "slidies" on the straps it should be treated as underwear and covered.  I believe that there is such a thing as conditional modesty- you wouldn't wear the same thing to church as you would to go to the beach. This is the theory that you wouldn't wear an outfit to go clubbing that you would to go sailing just as you wouldn't wear your Halloween costume (and in particularly mine) to Church.  

4.) Shoulders don't always need to be completely covered provided nothing is going to fall out of your shirt in the process. i.e. bathing suits should cover everything they are supposed to... and nothing should "slip". Likewise panty lines should NEVER be visible- just like I clothing should not be transparent enough to see through. Cause really, I never wanted to know that much about anyone, especially complete strangers. 
5.) Otherwise clothing is fair game.  Clashing, matching, shiny  dull, standard, outdated, and otherwise weird- not a moral choice.  Big earrings, little earrings, no earrings, lots of earrings- not a moral choice.  Long hair, short hair, no hair, blue hair- not a moral choice. Long skirt, short skirt, fitted skirt, loose skirt, pants- not a moral choice. As my roommate from college- Jelly Bean- likes to say, "There's more than a fine line between nun and slut."

I have lots of brothers, lots of cousins, and lots of friends who are, at the core, real men. And that is great. Guys were meant to be guys. God hot wired them to think that women are pretty hot stuff and vice versa. In one of my stupider moments I asked a few of them what they actually think when they see cleavage... or legs... or feminine curves in general. I'd rather not repeat their words but the gist of it was that their minds go exactly where you think it will. And why shouldn't it? You wouldn't give a tiger a piece of meat and then get mad when he starts to eat it. You wouldn't yell at a bee for climbing all over a flower either. It is what they are designed by God to do.

I've had people tell me that I'm just doing this because I am Christian and that I have a lot of obscure, outdated ideas because I went to a series of Catholic schools.  I laugh.  It's not about saving myself for my husband. It's about saving myself. It's about keeping pure what God has made pure. I know I haven't always been the best at that sort of thing. In fact I know that at times I have been downright awful at it. That doesn't mean that I can't grow from my past. And even if God weren't the reason (because, let's face it, he is the reason I do a lot of things) I don't want to be an object. I try to dress modestly as a courtesy to the men I know and the men I don't. I wouldn't want any guy to like me just because of what I look like. 

Yes, it is nice to be appreciated, but it is decidedly unpleasant to be oggled. Yes, fashion has changed over the last few centuries, but the male mind hasn't really changed since Adam. Besides- I like to think that I am so much more than meets the eye.

The Best Man's Best Speech

I was in a wedding over Memorial Day weekend.  It was oodles of fun but the best part was the Best Man's Speech.  For the record, if I ever get married, this is what I want the best man speech to be based upon. (Names changed btw).

KP and Koshka,

We are all here, celebrating with you on this next step of your life together .... bleh, those speeches are so bland. And that is so not you two. Therefore, let’s move on to the important but subtle message that you have sent to us today. And that is that you scheduled your wedding on the International Holiday known the world over as Geek Pride Day.

Now I understand that mother church *and mothers in general* frown on using Star Trek uniforms in weddings, and I do understand that. But I was able to tie in your nuptials with this great holiday by requesting knowledge from some of the greats of the geek genres to guide you on the path of a successful marriage.

First off, Mr. Arthur Dent wishes to convey his happiness to you and reminds you that while there is a “Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”, there is no “Hitchhiker's Guide to Marriage”. If there were, it would be 20,000 pages long, everyone would insist they had read it when they had done nothing more than read the back page, and it would be filled with far too many references to the Brady Bunch to be helpful. It would, however, have the best advice to offer married couples, written right on the cover in bright red friendly letters, stating simply “DON’T PANIC!”. Arthur also send along a matching set of towels.

Westley and Buttercup give you well-wishes for your “wuv, twoo wuv”. Princess Buttercup wants Koshka to know that despite many trials, (including, but not limited to Rodents of Unusual Size), true love will always win out. And Wesley would like to remind KP that even the Dread Pirate Roberts knows the best answer to anything your beloved says is “As you wish”, which, as we all know, is another way of saying “I love you”. They send a slightly burned giant sized cloak.

I got a message from a rather fashionable fellow a few minutes before the ceremony. “Hello”, he said, ”Passing through and wanted to extend all my best to the lovely couple.” I did not recognize him, so I asked for his name. He replied “The Doctor” as he adjusted his bow tie. “Anyways, please let the bride and groom know I am thinking about them, and to remind them that marriage is like planning to travel across the universe. There’s a lot of things you need, you see. Warp drive… wormhole refractors… But the thing you need most of all is a hand to hold.” He said he’d leave “something blue” for you in the future ... if he remembers.

I got some message here from someone from Fruit’s Basket, but it was in Japanese. When I used Google to translate the message, it just looked like they were shouting random words! This is why I don’t read manga...

I have a note here, from a Mr. Bilbo Baggins, Esquire. It reads, “Greetings and congratulations on your wedding festivities! Truly, the road will go ever on and on for you! Be sure to have a good breakfast every morning, for you never know what adventure might lay outside your door!” He sends along a tea service for 15.

Mr. Harry Potter extends his heartfelt congratulations to the both of you, and reminds you that a parents’ love for each other is only exceeded by their love for their children. In lieu of a gift, Mr. Potter’s expecting to send an owl to your household in about 11 years.

Uncle Ben Parker wanted to remind you that with “great power comes great responsibility”. He doesn’t expect you to develop any amazing “new found powers” (or as Sal would call it, N.F.P.)  excepting for Kat’s supernatural ability to fit into our family so well, and KP’s ability to master so many musical instruments. And yet the grace that you receive through this sacrament should be a source of power for both of you in the years to come.

Finally, we have the indispensable wisdom of Captain Malcolm Reynolds, who sent along two brown coats. He also wishes to remind you that your marriage will be like a ship sailing among the stars, and the thing that keeps the ship afloat is love. “Love is indispensable. You can learn all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air without love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps you in the air when you oughta fall down, tells you there’s a hurt 'fore it keens. It’ll make you two a home.”

KP and Koshka, may the ship of your marriage be a place of joy and love for you, your family and friends for years to come. May God bless you always!