One Grand Adventure: June 2014

I attended a 40th Wedding Anniversary party yesterday and I was around many people that I used to see weekly but I haven’t seen since February when I resigned my position at the Catholic Church. Consequently there were a great many people who wanted to ask me a great many questions. Among the usual were, where was I working these days, who was I dating, how I liked my new job (usually followed by if I considered going back), which ministry I was favoring for the summer, and how my family was doing. I used to have a knack for answering these questions with as little information as possible while being perfectly polite and giving them a sense of appreciation for their interest in my life; I think I’ve gotten rusty.

In such a crowd of familiar faces, I was surprised that there were any questions that could surprise me: “Who are you?” Her unspoken question that she announced loudly with her eyebrows was, “How do you fit in here?”

I tried to think of the shortest way to answer her question. I could say that I was the best friend of the happy couples one absent child. Or I could say that I routinely brought coffee to one of their daughter-in-laws when she had a bad day. Or I could say that I once watched five of their grandchildren when their younger brother was born prematurely and their parents wanted to spend as much time at the hospital as possible. Or I could say that I had spent four hours that day standing over a barbeque after spending two hours prepping salad and drinks for this very party. And then I realized that it didn’t matter.

“I’m Gabrielle- just Gabrielle,” I said with a smile, but I thought "And that’s quite enough for one day.”

Rules to Happiness #88

*This one I steal from my grandmother*

Act as if everything depends on you. Pray as if everything depends on God.

Rules to Happiness #87

Never ever agree to go on a date with someone because you feel sorry for yourself.

Rules to Happiness #86

Love with conditions is not love.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Rules to Happiness #85

Some of the greatest blessings come from sorrow.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Happy Friday!

One of the lawyers that I work with came into my bosses office while I was sitting in her chair today. I looked a little sheepish as she was out of the office and I wasn't sure if he (the lawyer) knew why I was in there in the first place. (For the record, why I was in there isn't relevant to the story.)

           He looks at me oddly for a moment and then says, "What do we want?"

I blinked.

           "Time TRAVEL!"

I half smiled.

           "When do we want it?" he responded.

I shrugged.

           "Irrelevant!" he announced happily and left the office.

I stared after him in surprise and then couldn't stop laughing. Have I mentioned how much I like my new job.

What will make it all worth it?

I was listening to the radio on my way home from work this week and I heard about one of the Spurs players saying that the previous week made the whole past year worth it (apparently they did well in the Playoffs). The Radio host asked what would make all your bad days worth it?

I had a really bad day last week. I woke up in a bad mood and I had a headache. I was overwhelmed with impending events and frustrated by current ones. I didn't want to deal with reality but reality came knocking on my door in the form of my youngest goddaughter, Napoleon, who wanted to know if I was awake yet (I wasn't) and I had to get up and answer the door before she could hear me say, "Go away. I'm still asleep." Needless to say, after this I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and was social and attempted to find the ever elusive coffee. I couldn't find it. Then Captain, my Captain said something that frustrated me and wouldn't let it go.

And so I went outside and examined the basil with alarming vigilance, searching for imaginary bugs that I could squish with my brain. And then Attila came out and asked me if I was okay. I wasn't and I was in no mood to pretend otherwise. This didn't phase her. She took my hand and sat me down. Then she leaned against me with the faith only a child can really express and said that she would never leave. Then she went on a tangent that some day she might move out and we'd have a house together with chickens and a pig that we wouldn't eat (because Gabbie thinks pigs are cute) but one day while I was out she would eat the pig to see if I would notice. There was more to the conversation- about the never leaving, not about the house with the pig- but that is something between me and Attila that I hope she never forgets. And as bad as some days have been lately, and as bad as some days will continue to be, she is mine and I am hers, and as she said, there is nothing either of us can do about it. And she made it all worth it.

Rules to Happiness #84

Love does not exist for the benefit of the receiver, but rather, for the giver.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Go Out and Achieve Nothng

If you spend an hour folding laundry you will achieve nothing but folded laundry.

If you spend an hour washing dishes you will have achieved nothing but an empty sink and clean dishes.

If you spend an hour cleaning the floor you will have achieved nothing but a clean floor.

Sometimes the end result is the greatest reward.

If you do any of these things for someone else you will gain their unwavering gratitude... until such time as it needs to be done again.

Rules to Happiness #83

I heard this one this week and I feel that it needs dutiful repetition in order to remind oneself to mind one's own business.

"Not my circus- not my monkeys."

-Polish Proverb

Rules to Happiness #82

We save hate for the people that we once loved the most.

Rules to Happiness #81

There is no purer love than the love of a child for his or her parent. Nor is there a more selfish one.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Forever is a Long Time

This is the last verse of one of the best songs I ever wrote. It is one of the few songs I've written from my perspective. What's more is a I wrote it about grief. In case you haven't been following my recent posts, I've been thinking about loss a lot of late. I've also been thinking about acceptance and forgiveness. Not for anyone in particular, but it is a good practice to go through. This song is about facing what is holding you back, and so I pose the question, what is holding you back from being close to God?

And everything is made brand new

And though you may never forget

Perhaps you can’t be happy

Until you’ve really wept

You can’t love without loss

You can’t laugh until you’ve cried

Goodbye is not forever

When God is by your side

Rules to Happiness #80

You are so much more than beautiful.

Rules to Happiness #79

Using God as an excuse to offend people does not compliment God and makes you look like an idiot.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Rules to Happiness #78

Things that are easy are not worth earning.

Rules to Happness #77

You don't have to be happy every moment in order to be happy.

Rules to Happiness #76

You don't have to have every moment be perfect in order to have a perfect life.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Being a Bridesmaid

I heard somewhere the phrase "five times a bridesmaid- never a bride." I think I'm getting close. Maybe I should stop involving myself with so many weddings? Or hide myself in my closet for a year. That sounds like a good way of dealing with stress, right?

Rules to Happiness #75

Don't give God deadlines.

Rules to Happiness #74

Some days the hardest thing to do is getting up in the morning and trying again.

Rules to Happiness #73

When your life is careening out of control, well, that's when you know that God is IN control.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Rules to Happiness #72

This Rule brought to you by Fr. Steve....

God wants to hear from you even when you're mad.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Rules to Happines #71

Happiness can arrive via a friend bringing a surprise cup of sweet coffee.

Friday, June 13, 2014

What's that? God reads my EMAIL!?!?!

So, in case it wasn't obvious by my recent posts, I've been having a trampoline of emotions. By trampoline I mean I go up, I go down, and really, I haven't gone anywhere.

My love sign from God is the rain. What did we have yesterday? Rain. And I've been really wrapped up in my own emotions. To give you an example of this, apparently there was a Tornado watch last night... and a really big storm. I didn't notice. At all. In short, God and I have been having a fight.

At the beginning of the year I signed up to get the Catechism of the Catholic Church in a year daily emails along with the Gospels in a Year emails. After a few weeks of this I decided I couldn't do both so I've been deleting the Gospels as they come and reading the CCC. I figured I'd do the Gospels next year. Today I checked my email and for whatever reason I looked at the Gospels. And this is what it said:

And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat, nor about your body, what you shall put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Luke 12:22-23

And I am humbled.

And so very loved.

Rules to Happines #70

For me at least, the best prayer is done over a sink full of dishes.

Rules to Happiness #69

Don't give God a deadline.

Rules to Happiness #68

All you really need out of life is a family, a garden, and many, many books.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Rules to Happiness #67

Four years after I started this blog I reached my 300th post today and I almost missed it. This is a piece of advice that I wish I had heard four years ago.

Pray with passion and hopeless abandon.

Rules to Happines #66

Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it that hurts.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Rules to Happines #65

If you want to ensure that you will look foolish, tell God what to do.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Pieces: Part Two

To read the first part of this post click here.

Keep in mind this is a very painful subject to me and although I'm not pointing fingers, it still makes me very sad.

Several years ago, after I had been living in Texas for more than a year, I met and dated my very first Cowboy. He will also be my very LAST Cowboy. We had been dating a month and things were going well and I was beginning to think this might become serious when I met his parents. Not surprisingly, they loved me. (I never said I was humble) I met his brothers and they had a similar reaction. Even his sister-in-law liked me. There was just one small problem...

Long after they met me and told the Cowboy how much they liked me his parents invited me to an event with them in San Antonio. We had a lovely day and I met a lot of people who had known the Cowboy since he was "knee high to a grasshopper" (Texans have very strange phrases) and they all wanted to talk to me.

Well, you know me, I love people. I love talking to them and hearing their life stories and I love to tell them mine. And I did. And that's where the trouble started.

"Could you not tell them you're from California?" he said.

I remember thinking,
I can't help it- I sound like I am from California. Why would I want to be anything else?

This is the face that I gave him.

"Would you please not tell everyone how we met?"

We met at college. He asked me out. I said no because he was a Freshman when I was a Senior and young and stupid. Two years later I decided to give him a second chance.

"Stop telling everyone about your dad."

What's wrong with my Dad? My Dad is awesome.

"People don't want to know you're Mexican!"

Saywat!?!

From there he proceeded to drag me off to a quiet corner to tell me that I was embarrassing him by telling people I was Mexican. But I am. Half. First generation. Proud of it. Still American to the core and still Texan. He then informed me that his family liked me well enough and they were willing to overlook my genealogy if I would just shutup about it. His words- not mine. I didn't know people like that still existed.

I reminded him that if we were to get married and had kids that those children would be a quarter Mexican. He said yes and that was unfortunate but that they would still be half Czech. (He was pure gold, Czech lineage, which mean he was shorter than average, stocky, had plain features, receding hairline and a grumpy disposition- and he was the good looking one in the family.) I would love to compare his features to the males in my family some time but I'm not that mean. He told me he wasn't racist and I told him then he was a closet racist. He said he loved me but his love was tearing me to pieces. Needless to say that was more or less the end of me and the Cowboy.

Then a few months later I met and went on one date with another good old Southern Boy. He was sweet, quiet, very nervous, but generally a pleasant human being. After he made a few racist jokes (that I didn't get) my friend, the dancer, informed him that the reason I didn't get the joke was because of my ethnicity and she didn't find it funny. He didn't call me again. I consider it a bullet dodged.

After that I took a year off from dating and I was quite convinced that all the men in Texas were racist. Eventually I was proven wrong but now when a guy asks me out before I agree or disagree I state the following:

1. I am a practicing Catholic and I am proud of it.
2. I am first generation Mexican and I am proud of it.
3. I have a lot of brothers and I am proud of them.

Then I give them my age and ask them if they still want to ask me out. It's scared away more men than I care to admit. Then again, it's also shown me who deserves a chance.

Racism is alive and well in the South. I didn't know people like that still existed before I moved here and I admit that the lack of racism is one of the few things that I miss about California. That and Disneyland. And my family. And real mountains. But you catch my drift.

It's taken me years to write about this, largely because it is still a very painful subject. The last thing told the Cowboy before I stopped answering his calls was "You say that you want to love all of me, but you can't stand a piece of me." I am beautiful and wonderful and I have the best crazy family a person could ever ask for- Mexican, German, British, Japanese, Ukrainian, Australian, Swedish, Irish, Scottish... the list goes on and on, but I am not made up of pieces. I am whole. I am loved. And I wouldn't give that up to pretend to be any one of those things for the world... or a cowboy.

So perhaps the moral of the story is that I don't believe you can love a person if you don't love pieces of them. You either love all of them or you don't love them. And if you don't love your neighbor, you aren't being Christian.

Ten Reasons

Here's my list- it's etched in stone- the perfect, perfect guy for me... wouldn't have any of these.

10 Reasons Why You Should Not Tempt Fate and Date Him

I'm sure most of theses are "no-brainers" or at least you'd have no brain to date one of them but believe it or not either I or someone I lived with dated all of these men at one point or another. Read on- at least you'll get a laugh.

1. If he uses the phrase, "You're just like your Mother." Even if it's true, you just don't want to deal with that because every time he's upset it comes up. He is belittling you and it doesn't matter if it is in public or in private. Respect is important in all relationships but especially in romantic ones.

2. If he calls you and leaves ten messages on your machine, sobbing hysterically, if you don't answer the phone for two hours. (okay, maybe this one applies more for me because I frequently leave my phone out in the car or it gets lost in my bed and I don't really worry about it cause- hey, it's a phone, not a lifeline.)

3. If he ever makes you feel like you aren't beautiful, wonderful, or worthy. Seriously. Ladies, you deserve to be cherished.

4. If he ever ignores you when you tell him "no." I would elaborate but I might be tempted to slug someone again.

5. If he wastes your time by lying and then lies to get out of it after you've caught him. Liars lie- the end. They can't be cured and it's not worth the breath to try.

6. If you ever feel like you have to be the "adult" in the relationship because he's being that immature. Again, sometimes women are more mature than men but if you have to remind him that he needs to do his laundry or he won't have any clothes or he needs to feed the cat or it will die...

7. If he ever talks about the girl(s) he dated before you as "the one who got away" because they might come back. It's like having sword hanging over your head hanging by a thread. It doesn't get better.

8. If you can use the following sentence to describe him, you should not date him. "He had the body of an oak tree and the brain of an acorn." In addition to being one of my favorite lines from a movie ever... It would be nice if beautiful men had big brains, but let's face it, they are a hot commodity (pun intended) and rare.

9. If he ever cheats on you. See number Five again. Seriously.

10. If he routinely "forgets" to tell you big things. I'm not talking about "I'm going to the grocery store" but more along the lines of "I'm leaving the state for a week in three days.

We've all been there. You're young- you're in love- but you must have left your brain in your other purse. I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule but if you ignore one of the rules you are inviting pain in.

Rules to Happiness #64

You are never too old or too mature to do something stupid. Resist the urge to do something stupid!!!

Rules to Happiness #63

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's the end.

Monday, June 09, 2014

Rules to Happines #62

Don't forget to put yourself on the backburner sometimes.

Rules to Happiness #61

It is okay to forget. It is also okay to remember.

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Rules to Happiness #60

It's okay to have days where you don't want to talk to anyone.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

Rules to Happiness #59

There are some days that no matter what goes wrong, you know it's going to be a great day.

Rules to Happiness #58

There are days when no amount of patience will make it a good day.

Pieces: Part One

Anyone who has spent any amount of time with me knows that I come from a biracial family. I am exceptionally proud of the fact that I grew up in a house where five languages were spoken, although my friend KP argues that ASL (American Sign Language) doesn't count as a "spoken" language. Between the two of them my parents speak Spanish, German, Latin, ASL, and occasionally, English.

When I was younger I rather enjoyed shocking people by telling them that my grandfather was an illegal alien and swam the Rio Grande to get into the United States. Dozens of times. I particularly enjoy a retelling of the story of my little brother telling his elitist, old money, private school, classmates that his grandfather was a "wetback."

I also enjoy telling people that my mother's family are ethnically German... in every way. We used to joke that it was illegal to show any emotion other than vague tolerance and muted boredom at the dinner table. Similarly once a child turned ten it was no longer permissible to be show physical affection to said child, by anyone.

On the opposite end of the scale my Mexican Family consider it a great insult to enter a room without kissing all relatives on both cheeks and hugging everyone. Additionally it is psychologically impossible to have a conversation without the use of raised voices, emphatic hand motions, and gasps of surprise at every tedious revelation. The greatest social insult would be to NOT talk and touch to anyone but to glare at them somberly from the corner.

AND YET, the one thing that has stayed with me more than anything else that my Mother told me as a teenager, is that my brothers, my sisters, and I got the best of both worlds. I didn't believe her... then.

Coming from such a wealth of background that made up lots of tiny pieces of my whole, one can only imagine what it was like leaving the nest. Such a strange new world of people who came from only one or two race and it made me laugh. To be fair it doesn't take much to make me laugh but when I realized my Mother was right I didn't laugh at all. In my early years she would tell me that coming from such different cultures that she felt we always got the best of both worlds- the hands on parenting with steady consistence rules and expectations from my German family and the constant affection and entertainment from my Mexican relatives.

And then I moved to Texas. I've written in the past about my love for cowboys and meeting a real life John Wayne was one of my big motivations for moving to Texas. Well I met one... two years ago... and I learned an important life lesson. Some cowboys are jerks.

To read the second part of this post click here.

Friday, June 06, 2014

Rules to Happiness #57

Happiness is a conscious decision.

Rules to Happiness #56

There is no greater revenge than being happy.

Rules to Happiness #55

Like in dance, in life the right partner makes all the difference.

Rules to Happiness #54

Some people should come with a warning label.

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Never love anyone who thinks that you are ordinary.

-Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

He Always Comes For me

If I ever were in a band again I would call it "The Way Back". If I ever write my memoirs I would title it the same. Many people know my history- that I haven't always been Catholic, I haven't even always been Christian. I've done the wrong thing for the right reason along with the right thing for the wrong reason more times than I care to reminisce. I thought I was in love once and I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't. I've made idols of men and money and people. I've been a horrible example. I've made the same mistakes again and again and again.

The only thing that stays the same is that He calls me back. And the only thing that seems to change is how God calls me back.

Sometimes it is through heart ache; who am I kidding; it usually is through heart ache. Sometimes He calls me back through the voice of a family member or a friend. Sometimes He calls me back by putting me in a terrifying situation where I'm sure I'm going to meet my Maker momentarily. Sometimes He leaves me to sit and think about what I've done. Sometimes He calls to me in the eyes of a stranger or by seeing an old friend again.

Of one thing I am certain, if I wait, He always comes for me.  Who wouldn't want a love like that?

P.S. I know I published this note this morning, but it's something I've been working on for a while. Fear not for dramatic happenings in my personal life that may have inspired this.

Rules to happiness #53

You never realize how strong you are until someone knocks you down. And you still get back up.

Rules to Happiness #52

God lets us suffer so that we may prove our fidelity.

Lumps

All of life's problems can be summed up with lumps, at least according to my godmother. Of course there are different categories of lumps- lumps in your oatmeal, lumps in your throat, and lumps in your breast. Misplaced keys would be oatmeal while my Mother having a stroke would be a breast style lump.

It has always been easy for me to distinguish the first and the last category of lump, but I've always had difficulty discerning a lump in my throat style of lump. In fact, it usually takes someone else pointing out my lumps for me to notice them. Last week I had this unshakable feeling that something bad was about to happen and I was afraid to tell anyone about it. Last night I found my lump.

As bad as today is going to be, I am reminded that although I may be having a lump in my throat today, it is not a lump in my breast and therefore I should rejoice. Well, maybe not rejoice, but I will remember, as I always try to, that this too shall pass, God will lead me back, and that this isn't the end. Just the same I would appreciate some extra prayers today and for the next few days.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Friday, June 27, 2014

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Monday, June 23, 2014