"The choices that we make dictate the person that we become." My Mother used to say that and since it is so very somber, I'm sure she stole it from someone else. My Aubelita used to say, "Show me your friends and I will show you who you are." Originally it was said in Spanish but for the benefit of my reading audience I didn't try to spout out my bad Spanish memory. There are certain laws that all people must live by, and that no amount of persuasion will ever allow them to cease. These laws would include the law of gravity, the law of sobriety, and the mortal man's curse. You see where I am going with this.
This weekend one of my dearest friends was in a car accident involving a drunken driver. Everyone of the five people in the car survived and they are relatively uninjured (a black eye, one damaged spinal cord, and one broken arm), but they are survive. I won't examine what they were thinking but will instead examine my choices following my knowledge of the event.
At first I was shocked- my family will attest that I sat there, holding whatever small child would allow me to squeeze them, picturing the events over and over again in my head. Every single time they all ended up dead. Then I moved into fear. "They should all be dead now" continuously played over in my mind followed by, "I could've lost you forever." Then I got angry. I won't replay what I thought at this point because I'm sure anyone's imagination should have sufficient explatives to understand what I was feeling. Then I got stuck, I spent the larger portion of yesterday being angry, and steadily getting angrier and angrier. Finally God intervened and sent me Sasha, who managed to get me past that (still not sure how) and now I've moved into acceptance and, dare I say it, gratefulness.
Choices- at least one person in that car did not make a good decision that night and forgiveness will be a long time coming for me.
Rules- death is forever.
Choices- I have issues with losing people suddenly.
Rules- if any one of those people had died that morning, everyone at the university would be beyond comfort and in many case, scarred for life.
Choices- I will have a hard time forgiving any one who drives drunk in the future.
Rules- gravity is a real downer.
Choices- drunkeness is a real downer too.
Tali if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you and I am very grateful that I get the opportunity to tell you this. I am very grateful that God gave me the chance to tell you this and I pray that He will always protect you. I am forever in the debt of your guardian Angel and I am so very happy that I didn't lose you. I know I speak for everyone who has ever met you when I say this.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Continued Adventures of My Continued Education
This past week and half has been very exciting for me so in order to set hte record straight I thought it best to clear it up here. As some of you may have heard, last Thursday I got a call from my school, Texas Teachers for Alternate Teaching Certificates for the State of Texas, asking me to call them back. On Friday the greater Austin area was closed because of snow warning. On Monday I finally reached them where I was informed that I was no longer a student at their fine insitution because they believed that the university where I had gotten my BA was unaccredited at the time of my graduation. Me being the quiet, passive girl that I am, immediately called my university and they (fortunately) immediately started calling people and fixed the problem by Tuesday. Unfortunately for me the lady handling the whole issue never got to work on time and took extra long lunches. Consequently, it took many, many days to get in contact with her. Finally Friday I got everything sorted and was accepted back into the program with two minor issues- 1, I missed an important week of class, 2, I hadn't done anything but play phone tag all week. Answer to problems, scream. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Stay tuned for the continued adventures of my continued adventure. Monday, I get to call them and try and schedule a time for me to make up this class time, because the makeup date is in two months sandwiched between my family reunion and my college buddies wedding.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Lost in Neverland
I make no secret that my favorite book ever written, from Crime and Punishment to Persuasion, from Blue Castle to Dracula, my favorite favorite book is Peter Pan. James Barrie was known for his outlandish ideas that captured children in his spell. I've read the book at least three dozen times, not to mention all the sequels and fan fiction on it. I've even taken to reading the Tinkerbell books. I admit as a child I had a huh-uge crush on Peter and it will be no surprise to anyone who knew me then that I constantly dreamed of flying off to Never Neverland. If I ever have a son (and an understanding, unjealous husband) I intend to name him Peter.
This past week I watched the Disney classic with the kids and for the first time I began to understand why I was so drawn to the story. It wasn't because Peter could fly or that he battled pirates or that he made friends with mermaids (although all of those reasons might've been), but for the first time in my life I realized how much my life paralled Wendy's.
Let me point out that I never liked Wendy. Or maybe I was just extremely jealous of her- she had the chance to never grow up and instead she chose to (for the record, I'm not sure what I would choose if given the choice), but I digress. Wendy was the leader of her many brothers. Though she loved them, she often felt surrounded by them and didn't necessarily enjoy behaving like a girl. She was very fond of her dog and she often told stories. She loved her parents more than anything, even when her father didn't understand her and didn't know how to understand. She adopted the lost boys without question and enjoyed playing their mother. The culmination of her dreams coming true resulted in Peter whisking her away to Neverland but when she finally had everything she wanted- Peter, Neverland, unceasing childhood, and the adventure of a life time- she realized she had to go back and grow up. Are we noticing some similiarities here? I hope you do.
Wendy's brothers are her best friends whom she confides the most important thing in her life- Peter Pan. Her Mother is her biggest fan and though she doesn't always understand she is always supportive. Her Father sometimes masquerades as the villain in Neverland, but he's also her hero. Tinker Belle represents that feminine prankster that I find innate in all women, and in some ways I think that though Tinker Belle is jealous of Wendy, Wendy is also jealous of Tinker Belle. Peter is the delusion that holds my attention the most. He is the youthful, innocent love- of boys, of childhood, of the impossible happening. Peter is the first boy she ever loved and will always be there, somewhere in her dreams and imagination, but he will never be the man that she needs.
Maybe Peter Pan is everyones story- we all have to be grown ups some time, but the few lucky among us, never have to grow up.
This past week I watched the Disney classic with the kids and for the first time I began to understand why I was so drawn to the story. It wasn't because Peter could fly or that he battled pirates or that he made friends with mermaids (although all of those reasons might've been), but for the first time in my life I realized how much my life paralled Wendy's.
Let me point out that I never liked Wendy. Or maybe I was just extremely jealous of her- she had the chance to never grow up and instead she chose to (for the record, I'm not sure what I would choose if given the choice), but I digress. Wendy was the leader of her many brothers. Though she loved them, she often felt surrounded by them and didn't necessarily enjoy behaving like a girl. She was very fond of her dog and she often told stories. She loved her parents more than anything, even when her father didn't understand her and didn't know how to understand. She adopted the lost boys without question and enjoyed playing their mother. The culmination of her dreams coming true resulted in Peter whisking her away to Neverland but when she finally had everything she wanted- Peter, Neverland, unceasing childhood, and the adventure of a life time- she realized she had to go back and grow up. Are we noticing some similiarities here? I hope you do.
Wendy's brothers are her best friends whom she confides the most important thing in her life- Peter Pan. Her Mother is her biggest fan and though she doesn't always understand she is always supportive. Her Father sometimes masquerades as the villain in Neverland, but he's also her hero. Tinker Belle represents that feminine prankster that I find innate in all women, and in some ways I think that though Tinker Belle is jealous of Wendy, Wendy is also jealous of Tinker Belle. Peter is the delusion that holds my attention the most. He is the youthful, innocent love- of boys, of childhood, of the impossible happening. Peter is the first boy she ever loved and will always be there, somewhere in her dreams and imagination, but he will never be the man that she needs.
Maybe Peter Pan is everyones story- we all have to be grown ups some time, but the few lucky among us, never have to grow up.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Just when do you sleep?
So another month has flown by and despite my lengthy list of google calendar emails set up to remind me to actually do my life, I somehow forgot to add "write in blog" to the list. However, "clean out Bennie", "work out", and "Call your Mother" did manage to make it onto the email reminders list (note to self: add "schedule social life" to calendar.)
It seems that every month that passes brings about another big change in my life. Last month was "begin school again." NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Seven months of freedom I have enjoyed only to be blighted out by the return of *gasp* SCHOOL to learn how to TEACH!!!! Which means MORE SCHOOL!!!!!
As a side note, last night my class seemed to be centered around "think positive, be positive, and be organized." The more they grilled this into my head the more I kept thinking, "Gee, I wonder if Dr. Barr EVER taught that way." His non-sentimental, cynicism in the classroom seems to have been ingrained into my skull as the BEST way to teach because I don't think I worked harder for any of my teachers than for him, largely because he was un-impressable, but I digress.
Today I broke my all time record at the Early Learning Center and took care of seven different classes, ranging in age from ten months to ten years. For the last few hours of my work day I was put in a classroom with mainly four-year-olds. Consequently, I got to finally talk to some of the teachers from that corner of the building. They are more my age and seem to be more my style of people so I was very, very, very excited for this move.
One of the teachers and I got to talking and after a while it came out that I have three jobs, am going to school part time, along with various other time consuming activities in my life. Now this is a working mother of two, wife to one, very busy red head so it surprised me when she stopped me to say, "So just when exactly do you sleep?" My response: "Oh I sleep a lot... I just don't have much of a social life." Mwahahahaa! I lied. Your guess is as good as mine as to which one it was.
It seems that every month that passes brings about another big change in my life. Last month was "begin school again." NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Seven months of freedom I have enjoyed only to be blighted out by the return of *gasp* SCHOOL to learn how to TEACH!!!! Which means MORE SCHOOL!!!!!
As a side note, last night my class seemed to be centered around "think positive, be positive, and be organized." The more they grilled this into my head the more I kept thinking, "Gee, I wonder if Dr. Barr EVER taught that way." His non-sentimental, cynicism in the classroom seems to have been ingrained into my skull as the BEST way to teach because I don't think I worked harder for any of my teachers than for him, largely because he was un-impressable, but I digress.
Today I broke my all time record at the Early Learning Center and took care of seven different classes, ranging in age from ten months to ten years. For the last few hours of my work day I was put in a classroom with mainly four-year-olds. Consequently, I got to finally talk to some of the teachers from that corner of the building. They are more my age and seem to be more my style of people so I was very, very, very excited for this move.
One of the teachers and I got to talking and after a while it came out that I have three jobs, am going to school part time, along with various other time consuming activities in my life. Now this is a working mother of two, wife to one, very busy red head so it surprised me when she stopped me to say, "So just when exactly do you sleep?" My response: "Oh I sleep a lot... I just don't have much of a social life." Mwahahahaa! I lied. Your guess is as good as mine as to which one it was.
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