Funny College Stories

When I was a freshman in college I was the unfortunate victim of circumstance and got involved in a play and then was a shanghaied as the stage manager.  This basically meant that I got no sleep and bad grades for three months.  It was... special.  But a lot of funny stories resulted from this period of my life.  This is one of them.  

My brother, the Giant's, best friend in college, was a guy who made him look small.  This young gentleman, who I can only describe as the Recluse, had many talents.  He could play piano very well, write papers in a day, and starred in almost every production the school ever put on.  He just didn't like being the center of attention.    

In the play that I was stage manager of (Harvey), Recluse decided that he needed fresh flowers as his prop, and gave them to all the ladies during the play.  There were only a half dozen ladies and the show only had two showings over the course of two days so he got a dozen roses and split them up.

The morning of the second performance, Recluse gave me a call asking about flowers.  Well, I am a girl and I do possess some small amount of knowledge concerning flowers so I offered him my wealth of knowledge.  

"Hey, so you know the flowers I got yesterday?"

"Yeah."

"Well they don't look right."

"Did you put them in water after the play last night?"

"No... I sort of forgot."  

"Did you try putting them in water now?"

"Yeah... they sort of fizzled."

"Fizzled?"

"Yeah..."

"That's not normal.... You could try putting them in slightly warm water with sugar in it.  It may help them to perk up a little but it will take a bit of time."

"Yeah... I put Vaseline on them because they looked pruny."

*I paused trying to figure out why the flowers had fizzled and what had possessed him to put vaseline on roses.*

"That wasn't a good idea."

"I also put them in the microwave.... Do you think that will hurt them?"

*Here I had to put the phone down to keep from laughing.*

"I'm sorry, Recluse.  You're flowers are no more and you really are better off just buying some new ones."

"Oh.  Okay.... Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

And that was how the Recluse got the nickname of the destroyer of flowers.