Things I didn't expect I would need to learn

I flatter myself to think that I am capable of keeping a pleasant conversation... at least when I'm not petrified of repercussions usually leading back to my family.  In most circumstances I can chat with almost anyone about most things and hold my own without screwing things up too badly.  However, this week I was reminded that I am wrong and that there are certain things that I really ought to keep to myself.  This is my list of things I didn't expect that I would need to learn at the archaic age of 23. 

1.)  Try not to mention that I have eight brothers young men who think I'm cute.  It scares them.  Also, avoid telling said young men that they're all the size of linebackers.
2.) Never share a jelly donut with a five-year-old because their sole desire while eating the donut is making it impossible for you to remain clean.  

3.)  Don't mention to beginner dancers that I have broken many toes when my partner stepped on my feet.  Also avoid bringing up being dropped on my head by said partners.  

4.)  If a complete stranger ask me why you moved to Texas, don't say, "God," or if you do, don't leave it at that.  

5.)  Avoid asking questions that begin or end with an answer that requires knowledge of comic books more specific than Marvel or DC.  
6.)  Don't stop strangers to ask if they have the Patriots insignia on their shoes, shirt, car, etc.

7.)  Try not to speak of any injuries that may or may not have occurred while dancing.  It scares them- both for your safety and theirs.  See #3.
8.)  "Gabbie" sounds a lot like "Daddy."

9.)  When people ask me anything personal, lie.  There are lots of creepy people out there.  

10.)  Don't laugh when people ask "So are you Catholic or something?" I should also avoid responding with, "or something?"
11.) You can convince small children to do anything if you are holding a plate filled with cookies.  
12.) Avoid telling Texans that I am from California.  Don't laugh when they say, "Really? You aren't blond?... or tan?"
13.) Not every one needs to know that my grandfather was a wetback and swam the Rio Grande, least of all complete strangers.  They don't believe me... even when I tell them my last name and pull out my ID to prove it.  
14.) Don't ask how old I look.  They never get it right and laughing at them usually upsets them. 
15.) When asked to wear my hair down by my goddaughter, don't be offended when the Captain, says, "Wow, Gabbie, your hair is scary."  Now we know why my hair is always up.