Perspective is hard to come by

A year can do so much.  Some of you may remember my blog post about bluebonnets (and if you don't here is the link to the bluebonnets story) but since then I have learned a lot.  I complained about not being able to understand Texan idioms and pronunciations, and yet, a small part of me will always be offended by the fact that I cannot pronounce Guadalupe as it was intended and still be understood.  But at the same time I have changed. 

Back in April I received a response to my bluebonnet story from Shortround968 and I fully admit that I laughed.  As a fellow California she told me about her trouble with understanding Texas culture and lingo and I was so excited because I thought, "Oh thank GOD!  It's not just me!!!!"  Now I read the comments from her and I smile.  A year ago I would have been down right indignant right along with her.  Now I just roll my eyes and think, "You will be assimilated.  Resistance is futile."  I hope things have gotten better for her because Texas, sorta like Beer, is an acquired taste.  

On a recent trip back to California I realized two things- first that California will always be part of who I am.  I was born there, I grew up there, my family is there, and  part of me is still in love with California.  The second thing I realized is that as wonderful as California is, I will never be able to live there again.  I've changed too much and I belong there as much as a Cicada belongs in the arctic.  Given the opportunity to move back I don't know who would fair worse- the Cicada or me.  

Mother always told me that you can never go home again.  She might have been right, but that's because home is where the heart is... and my heart doesn't beat in time with California anymore.  

I was telling a friend recently that two years is a long time.  Two years ago I was falling in love.  Two years ago I had a plan, I was in grad school, I had four jobs, and I knew what I wanted out of life.  Two years ago I had never owned anything of greater expense than my cowboy boots.  Two years ago I would have followed my big brother to the ends of the earth.  Two years ago my entire identity was in connection to other people.  Two years ago I was angry and hurt.  Two years ago I was still a child.  Two years ago I was lost.  I'm sure that someone out there is wondering why I'm always looking back, at how things have changed and where I came from, and there is a reason.  Sometimes you have to look back to see how far you've come.