Thoughts from the driver's seat

* I generally drive with small children in my car.  It's one of the reasons I love my car but it also inspires me to frequently question what the rest of the world is thinking.  I try my best to shield my chargers from harm- both physical, spiritual, and mental.  These are some of the things that have come to mind while I have been driving. *

Joggers, cyclists, and anyone who is in public sight should consider the following.  There are aesthetic as well as moral reasons to cover up.  I wish I had mind bleach so I could forget seeing what people insist on sharing.  

I hold grudges while driving- if you turtle back, break check, cut me off, road rage, or shove me over, I will attempt to think the best of you, praying that you are

a) rushing to your dying father's side.

b) your wife is in labor in the backseat... with triplets

c) your child is dying and you need to rush him to  the hospital

I will pray for you as best I can but keep in mind I will never like, support, or respect any of the kitchy bumper-stickers I see on your car.

Ambulances, rain, and ramps are a reason to slow down- not pass me on the shoulder at high speeds.  

If I recognize you as you do something to endanger my chargers or my car, expect to hear about it later.  If I meet you later you had better pray that I am not interviewing you for a job, house, or interview- it will not turn out in your favor as I remember faces and license plates very well when I'm angry.  

Speed limits are not a suggestion.  Neither are turn signals.  

I will laugh if you are pulled over by the cops because of speeding, driving recklessly, or you just failed to get off your phone long enough to realize you are being dangerous... and stupid... stupidly dangerous... dangerously stupid.  

I realize my car is not as big as most on the road in Texas where the most popular vehicle is a double cab, double wide, pickup, but just because I'm small does not make me invisible and if you get too close I will lay on the horn.  

If you have something emblazoned on your car and you wouldn't want your mother, your pastor, or God to read/see it, please don't.  There are a great many things I would prefer not to explain to small children in this lifetime.  

If I pass you while I'm driving, please don't take it as a personal affront on your driving- I'm probably trying to admire your sweet car from my rear view mirror.  

If you are in a car, stay on the road.  If you are not in a car, stay off the road.  

Sometimes everyone slowing down would induce you to believe that you should as well.  

I love Texas weather and the scenery in Austin; please don't ruin it for me by going crazy.  

Life isn't a video game and wild weather is not a boost to the next level.  Please be careful- I drive with small children.  

You may be ready to die, but I'm not- see previous thought bubble.  

If you are going twenty miles under the speed limit and there is not traffic, expect people to pass you and do not be offended.  You may only take offense if we fire snowballs and/or water pistols at you.  

Wildlife on the road require caution, not blaring of horns or speeding up.  The same finesse should be observed with accident scenes.  

If the sign says it, please do it.  They write the instructions down so that you can understand and be one with traffic rather than be one with the highway.