All by Myself

A funny thing happened this morning. I was having a bad morning (my alarm went off at 5.30 even though I didn't have to get up until 6.30 (don't ask) and then I had to deal with an attention deprived George. All by myself.  

I spent twenty minutes try to track down a key to help out a friend at my Parish and then another half hour waiting for the key to show up so that everything that needed to be done could be done. All by myself.  I reformatted a few documents and generally tidied while I waited and thought I might pop into the chapel for morning Mass... and then I remembered that there would be incense left over from last night, a halting reminder as to why I was so groggy this morning and angry with God for keeping me out of Adoration with a group of friends that I had been looking forward to all month. I was shut out from the Chapel- just me, all by myself.

I wrote written in my notebook, "I feel like You're trying to push me away with incense but I know that can't be right; why are You testing me?"

So I went to the grocery store and got an oil change and an inspection- by myself. Then I got a call from one of the repairman I've been in contact with for the past week, canceling my early appointment that I had deliberately gotten started so early in the morning so I wouldn't miss it. I won't lie- I was annoyed.  

I misplaced my keys in my pockets and while searching for them I found a rosary. A rosary that my friend Mari had brought back from the Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Mexico City, a place that my grandmother dearly loved. I had forgotten that I had that rosary... even more I had forgotten where I had left it.  As the rosary emerged from my pocket I heard a familiar voice say, "I'm still here." I never have to question who those words come from because the overwhelming feeling of love that entrances and protects me. I hear His voice and I know that I'm not alone and that although I am overwhelmed and overrun and that I cannot keep doing this on my own, together, we'll get it all done, and from now on, even though I'll forget it, I haven't been all by myself since He promised to never leave me alone.

Maybe it's not such a bad thing to be all by myself if I'm all by myself with Him?