"YOU DID WHAT!!!!"
This is the usual response to most of my stories of things I did in California. I don't know if I am any more wild in California than I am in Texas or I was in Florida but for some reason everyone is surprised. Really, could you blame them? I do tell some pretty outlandish stories, but are they all true? My Father likes to say that the women in my family never let a little thing like truth get in the way of a good story. I'd say he's embellishing this ideology a little, but only a very little. In this post I will write on several things I may or may not have done (or said) in California (or on the road to Roswell) in the last three weeks, but I won't tell you if they actually happened or not. That may not be fair but whoever said life was fair? Maybe a carnival master.
Upon arriving in California (via a 747) I procured some black face makeup, black clothing, and a red lightsaber. I left the terminal with a look that would have sent grown men crying and upon making my way to baggage claim found my next younger brother waiting for me. In my best Darth Vader voice I extended my lightsaber and said in my best Sith lord voice, "So, we meet again- for the first time, for the last time."
While in Roswell Sir went to buy a pack of beer. It's not so unusual. If he's anywhere for any amount of time he does. What was unusual was that he was dying of laughter so loud that I could hear him across the store. Okay, I'll ask. "I just got carded," he snickered when I inquired as to the reason for his joyous laughter. What was even more enjoyable was that I had purchased alcohol (and significantly more) last year when we were there and hadn't gotten carded. 77 vs 22. I win.
Since last August my grandmother, great aunt, and a friend of theirs, have been trying to set me up. They are sweet and I like them but I generally don't approve of being "set up." Upon meeting him I pulled him aside and said in a hushed tone, "Wanna make a couple old ladies talk forever!?" I don't know what I had planned to do next but it would have been fun to say and even more enjoyable to watch his response.
A good friend asked my friend Koshka (who accompanied me for part of my trip in California) "Are you two together together?" (Remember this is California.) Koshka and I both laughed and I told him, "Yes, but not like you are imagining. Koshka's taken... by a guy."
A friend asked me why I was heading to Roswell after California. I told him in my sweetest voice that I was, "Hitching a ride home."
At my brothers graduation party I tried my best to be sociable. It didn't work. I don't know why but people didn't seem to want to talk to me or my friend, Koshka.
Strange Creatures
I seriously considered telling someone from Texas to call me singing the lyrics of the Black Eyed Peas "Ohio: Come Back to Texas." Then I could sing, "California, here I come."
I went with my grandparents to purchase their new vehicle. It was lots of fun (I should have brought popcorn) because those two were bickering like an old married couple. They always do that when they are together, but really I think they reserve it for when there is an audience. The saleswoman turned to me and was telling me how cute they were and I smiled politely. She then asked sir, "How long have you two been married?" With missing a beat Pop answered, "Two weeks." Nana shook her head with a sigh and added, "No dear, it's been longer than that- more like three." I was dying.
When taking a picture with a couple of friends one of them said, "Robert has to be in the center- he's the rose among the thorns." I then informed the group that we were a "thorn in his side."
As I was coming down the stairs for Mass my Mother looked at me and said, "You look very wholesome." I deadpanned at her and said, "Dang it, I was hoping to look like trouble."
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