This is the message that played across my screen moments ago. Or at least that's what I read. I'm sure what it actually said was something along the lines of "We are sorry but your internet connection has stopped. Please check that it is connected and try again." Before I continue let me just remind you that I cannot write blogposts without internet access... so really it must be Hulu that hates me. Either that or I'm just extremely moody. Why I should EVER be moody I really don't know.
Perhaps it is because I'm packing. I hate packing. It is one of my least favorite things about a trip. Actually I love trips so it really isn't saying much when I say that something is my least favorite part. For instance, the countdown till I leave, the planning, the preparations, the anticipation, the excitement and imagining what I will do once I get there. Then the actual leaving. Le sigh. (Your guess is as good as mine whether that "sigh" is of relief or despair) Then the traveling and the traveling and the traveling. (Honestly, I think the traveling is one of my favorite parts... minus the hotels. I don't like hotels all that much right now) And then the arrival at the destination. Oh JOYOUS occasion!!! Unfortunately this is followed by the leaving and arriving at some predetermined point in the future. You understand now why I'm so mixed up. It seems that my heart will never be happy because no matter where I am, I am away from someone or something that I love.
My Mother once told me that you can never go home. Unfortunately she first told me this after my first year of college when I tried to move back in with my parents. ZOMG! Fail. Fail of epic proportions. Then I moved out. And in with my other family. You can imagine how terrified I was when I went to visit Bernie in Virginia. What if this was no longer home after I left? What if I could never find home again? Fortunately when I came back after my week away I still felt like Texas was my home but now I'm afraid of what California will be like. Will I miss Texas while I am away? Will I be overwhelmed with how much I missed California? What if something happens while I'm out of state? With all the spring changes I'm terrified that I'm going to miss something. Most of all, I'm afraid of what I am leaving behind. There are just some things that I can't describe- that I'm afraid to leave. What if once I'm gone they never come back? I suppose I should be grateful that I am so attached to Texas now, but the fear lingers on. Now you understand, the world hates me, and loves me too. I can't seem to escape it no matter what I do.
Nothing in California stayed the same after I left the first time, so Texas, be kind to me, on this my moodiest of days, and try not to change too much while I'm gone. Keep the flowers at bay a little longer, let not the children grow, let no one come to any harm, and try to keep my friends occupied... just not too occupied, because I want them to miss me and want me to come back.
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